Wednesday 1 May 2013

The Gambler - Kenny Rogers

As I walked to the car, I was shaking my head and giggling, sure it was 6.30am in the morning,  I should be tired and I still feel a little bit sleepy, I needed groceries after not being home all week end and I needed to use the shopper docket for the petrol but I heard her comment . Not sure how I am feeling but I am definitely puzzled...... that I will have to think about a little bit more.

I have just had an enormous week-end, a week-end that I had been planning for quite sometime, Michael's 40th Birthday.

We are not party people, actually we aren't even social people. Michael and I spend so little time together, with him working 2 jobs , that when we have; "free" time, we like to spend with each other.

 I am confident and enjoy people's company but put me in a group bigger than 4 people and I'm just a different person, especially if it's one where I don't know many people, I feel like my oxygen is slow being taken away from me. Give me a good walking track in the bush, by myself and I am happy, pondering in my own thoughts. As crazy as it sounds, because I share so much through my blogs, I am friendly and well liked but I'm most comfortable when I am alone.

God I miss my walking,  my time to think things over, I find some of my best reflections are done while I am burning those calories, boy how I've missed every aspect of being out and JFDI. 

Before 12wbt I would often tell myself. I feel like I am stuck in quicksand, with only my head hanging out .... barely able to breathe.   I was so completely stuck and cemented in one spot . The more I tried, the more desperate I had become to get that quick ......immediate, fix, THAT SOMETHING, to just make it all disappear over night.

It's the most vicious cycle  ....  eat crap, feel like crap, which makes you too tired to even think .....  little more than exercise, which makes you feel even more useless  ......  more fatter and more repulsive  ..... so I might as well  go and eat more crap. Which makes me more tired and so the cycle begins, with no END POINT, other than the feeling of hopelessness and the physical weight, literally unbearable.  

So when I am able to push out those calories and burn them, I feel on top of the world, and that was my key, if I hit that burn and saw that 500-700 burn everyday then my eating was a no brainer, I ate perfectly. Why would I need to undo all that work ?  Besides .....  that high of exercise made me feel protected too. If I don't exercise I actually feel like I am cheating myself.

 This is exactly what I am struggling with at the moment, unable to "burn" what I am consuming.

On Friday , Michael had the day off, and I needed to go and have my dexa scan done as it had been 12 weeks since I had my last one. I thought , what a wonderful opportunity for Michael to see why this is so important to me, hmmmm  why not secretly book him a scan too?  

Unbeknown to him I had packed his skins, so he would feel a little less exposed and booked the next block for him.  His face was priceless, and HE LOVED it !!!!!  Now we are able to support each other and he now sees the importance of how much further, I have to go. 

Then it was my turn. I felt very excited and realistically  disappointed at the same time due to the amount I haven't been able to put in due to my knee, especially in the past 6 weeks. Sure I could have been stricter with my nutrition, but I have just felt out of sorts with a few things in my world.

 I feel so heavy at the moment,  going up and down like a yo yo, from day to day. Naturally I wanted different results but the scan reveals a 2kg gain in the 12 weeks. Which I thought hmmmmm o-kay then.  To be expected.

Then  he explained that the result although could be better, I actually had only put on 200gms of fat on my body and the remaining ( 1.98gram)  I had bulked up my muscle.

Then I had to look at the bigger picture, I have not gorged on food, I have not had  McDonalds, of soft drink and I am still very measured in the amount of food I am consuming. I am not ridiculous in my choices nor am I punishing myself, like I use too. I could be doing better, I could be doing worse. So I need to be looking at my wins and not my failures.

Another win on the week-end was having the buffet breakfast at The Grand Hyatt. I had already coached myself with an action plan, o-kay we were spending a lot of money on this breakfast, but it didn't mean I have to eat my "monies worth".  ( we had eaten a magnificent meal the night before too , so very aware of the extra calories already consumed)  I did about 15 laps of the servery, I was giggling thinking, here you go Anth extra calories burned & the other half was saying eat all that, and you will be here for the next week running laps in here. I picked up the smallest plate and choose fruit, some muesli, and nuts, dried fruit.




I then had one strip of bacon, mushroom and grilled tomato from the hot service, and I had the smallest of sweet almond pastry and it was delicious.  I did spot the cheese bar too, and I LOVED cheese !!!!!! Brie and Camembert, I took some back to the table and I thought, I can't even remember liking this, but I remembered I did ......  took one nibble and HATED it. Yes plates were taken away with food still left on it because basically I just didn't enjoy it. If I don't enjoy tasting the food, I simply don't eat it any more.

As we walked out, Michael and I looked at each other and said, now what are we going to do ? We packed up the room and jumped in the car, drove home and went straight to the gym on a Sunday morning and I've never felt so satisfied !!!!!  a) that it's what we needed to do & wanted to do but also b) Michael was right next to me.

So when I'm walking away from the paying my petrol, I'm thinking about what the cashier had said, to me ........
" I was going to ask you, if you were interested in,  2 for the price of one chocolate bars, but clearly you are very sporty and wouldn't eat chocolate, looks like you are off to the gym".

YES, puzzled, because it got me thinking 40kgs ago, if I had been asked that question, I would have bought 4, because that seemed like an excellent deal, I would have never been offended because the question was just playing straight into my hand, I truly believed that the chocolate bars .......   I HAD TO HAVE !!!!!

But why?  Why now because I "look sporty", I now have a new dialogue addressed , to me?  Sure it would be her standard line she is told to ask to increase sales, but once again it got me thinking about the cost and the worth of the money?  The money at The Grand Hyatt buffet, and the long term cost to my body?  

Our bodies are exactly like running a bank. We bank to save. Well that's our aim. Our bodies are no different , our bodies are just like the bank .

 Our "money" instead is our calories ( put in the right amount of calories and burn the right amount ) our gain instead is actually our weight loss.  But if we are spending more than we earn ( eating more calories, than we burn) we will find ourselves heading towards bankruptcy.

 So you need to start banking on yourself in the POSITIVE and not the NEGATIVE.

All of us would love that the "dream" of not having to go to work to earn our money. Winning 60 million in lotto, would just make everything easy but the cold hard truth is LIFE DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT, there are NO QUICK FIXES, it takes hard work, commitment and loyalty to yourself to achieve all your riches !!!!!!

We have to show up every day to get that pay packet. Why not take that to the next step and show up for yourself?  Surely your own "worth" has to be more than any $$$$ can give you ...... YOUR HEALTH IS WORTH IT !!!!! 

Does cancer and illness care how rich or poor you are?

Does it help to be in a healthy strong body first before the unknown hits you?

And what about that mindset and attitude? That has to be worth something ?

In saying that I sure would like to have a crack at how 60 million dollars would feel ;)

 
 
BANK ON YOURSELF
 
"The Gambler"


You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table.
There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done.

Now Ev'ry gambler knows that the secret to survivin'
Is knowin' what to throw away and knowing what to keep.
'Cause ev'ry hand's a winner and ev'ry hand's a loser,
And the best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep."
    

2 comments:

  1. Yeah, well done Anthea. Every hand is a loser or a winner, just depends on how you choose to play your cards!
    Thought provoking!

    ReplyDelete